Wish

Do you believe in angels? In miracles? In wishes coming true?

I don’t know how to explain what happened. I was frightened for the past days, because of the heavy winds during the typhoon “ Milenyo” and I wasn’t so happy about the almost two days of darkness…

Last week was the fiesta in our place, part of the celebration is a novena mass which began September 15, my husband has been telling me that I should attend and complete that 9 day mass, and maybe since I go home ahead of him everyday and since I don’t have company at home, I found that it will be better if I attend the mass while waiting for him, though it means later dinner, the mass sometimes finishes around past 8pm sometimes as late as 9pm. My husband doesn’t seem to mind and I am just grateful. I was telling myself when I started attending, “will I be able to finish this novena” since the weather is so unpredictable and I know that there will times when I know that I will be never able to make it on time. And so, day 1, I was lucky enough to be able to make it on time, the priest celebrant is someone that I know and a relative of my father-in-law and he was so “Ganado” in his homily that I find myself enjoying hearing the mass. And I was learning a lot about the San Rafael, who by the way is the parish’s patron. Day 2, and day 3 was ok, no excuses for me because these 2 days fell on a Saturday and Sunday respectively so I was able to attend mass with no hassles. Day 4 was also ok, since I didn’t go to work, so no excuses for me not to hear the mass. On day 5 however, just as when I was leaving the office, a heavy downpour of rain delayed me. I was telling myself, this is it, I will miss the mass. I arrived around 7pm and since our apartment is just a few steps away from the church, I can hear that the mass was just about to start, which prompted me to hurry and I was surprised to find out that the priest celebrant was also late because of the heavy downpour of rain. I was thankful, I was happy, and I was enjoying that I learn something new on each day, no more hassles for day 6,7, 8 and on the last day of the novena, which was a Saturday, again I walked into the church with light steps, and there was the priest, introduced as Msgr. Pascal. I was greatly moved by this man’s homily, he shared his several “experiences” and I was touched. And then he started sharing about his life, his parents, he was saying he’s an only child and how much he loves his parents, he was sharing about families, and this time, I was moved to tears, remembering my Papa who passed away almost two years ago, Msgr. Pascal was saying how much we should treasure our parents, how much we should always tell them that we love them and how we should always hug them, kiss them, while they are still here with us, I learned all this the hard way.

Papa passed away on a sudden death. He was sick, yes, but not that sick. One morning I woke up my Father is gone. I will never be able to hug him or kiss him, or tell him that I love him so much. And it is something I regret. My father is not an expressive person, he is quiet, and he seldom speaks, but after we loss him, I realized, it is not about him, it was about me, I should have hug him more, or held his hand more when he was here. Even on his death bed, being the eldest in the family and having to be strong for my siblings and my Mom, I remember I didn’t even hugged my father before his body was removed from us. And during that 9th day of the mass, while Msgr. Pascal was saying “Ngayon, during the greeting of peace, I want to see those children who are present here today with their parents, to kiss their Tatay’s and Nanay’s” and with tears in my eyes I was silently saying, I don’t know maybe even, praying, or wishing “If only my Papa is here I would hug him one last time”

I was happy to be able to complete the novena mass, my prayers is simple, good health for our family. Being able to hug my papa, it escaped my mind until…

Since I got pregnant, I became a light sleeper, waking up several times at night and in the wee hours of the morning because I need to go to the bathroom. Because of the typhoon electricity only resumed for us Saturday at 12am. And for the entire day, I was making up to the household chores which I missed because of the electricity making Saturday a busy day for me, so that night I find myself sleeping earlier than usual. Sleep….a dreamless sleep…and then, I woke up. Seeing my husband wasn’t beside me, I immediately went down looking for him and going to bathroom as well. I don’t know if this is part of my pregnancy, I was complaining to my husband how he always leave me alone while I am sleeping, and he was explaining/saying that he is cold that’s why he needs to leave me instead of turning the fan off.

And suddenly, I was in tears. Wracking sobs.

My husband thought that the reason for the tears was because he left me, and I thought so too…Until I remember…. I had a dream, actually, I suddenly realized, it wasn’t a dream at all, I saw my father, si Papa. And suddenly the words escaped my lips. “Dinalaw ako ni Papa. Niyakap nya ako. Hinawakan nya ang tyan ko at nakangiti siya, ngiting-ngiti, tulad ng ngiti nya dun sa isang picture nya sa kwarto nila ng Mommy ko, pagkatapos niyakap din nya si Dzune, ang asawa ko. Masayang masaya siya” And then my husband is asking me “ano suot ni Papa” and a smile escaped my lips, because the funny thing was my Papa wasn’t wearing a shirt on, which is something that he usually does when he was still alive, often, you will see him without his shirt on, and that’s when I knew…I remembered, I realized, I might have been praying for this….and I remember San Rafael…..

Do you believe in miracles? In wishes coming true? In angels.